Have you ever had one of those days when you felt like you could conquer the world? One of those days that no matter the situation you weren’t phased one bit. One of those days you could have the difficult conversations and not blink. We all have. Some more than others. So, what is that feeling? In a basic sense it’s confidence. It’s a simple word with a ton of implications on your life depending on whether you have it or don’t.
Confidence at a high level allows us to feel a level of certainty about who we are and what we do that translates into everything you do. Your conversations are crisper. Your decisions are definitive. Your intentions are felt. And you feel a sense of power that is very fulfilling in everything you do. The opposite is true on the other side of the coin. Lack of confidence will spill over into every area of your life as well. Whether it’s your work, your relationships or the little voice in your head, a lack of confidence will wreak havoc on all of them. It acts like a fire that spreads through your life affecting literally everything including your own self-worth.
Like we said above, there are days that we all have a little or less more than others. So why is that? What is the difference? The simplest way to answer that is by the word “meaning”. It’s the meaning we put to situations in and out of our heads. For example, when something doesn’t go as we planned or hoped we beat ourselves up and it kills our confidence. When we set a goal and we don’t hit it we blame ourselves and kill our confidence. When someone says something about us that isn’t great we take that meaning to heart and ALLOW it kill our confidence. When WE say something about ourselves that isn’t great it kills our confidence. Do you see where I am coming from here? Something “bad” happens or is said and we take that “meaning” to heart. We start to own that and label ourselves as that meaning. Even if it’s completely false that’s our new “worth” therefore our confidence will level out to that worth. In a figurative sense, if you label your worth as a 60/100 your confidence will reflect that. You begin to doubt yourself to do anything greater than your level. You tell yourself you can’t. You won’t even try it in most cases. So, until your “worth” is at a 95% you will never do what you think 95% people can do. That’s confidence. It works in every aspect of life.
How do you change this then? How do you become in control of your confidence versus being a victim of it? It’s all about small wins. This works because it’s the losses (in our head) that start to suck our confidence out of us so the opposite is true. It’s the time we said we were going to workout all week and we never go…kills our confidence. Or the time this last week that your boss told you that you messed up the last deal and you took it personally…killed your confidence. Or two years ago when your marriage ended and you blamed yourself and still do…kills your confidence. Big and small these events add up and take that “confidence/worth” number down. The same works on the flip side when you say you are going to the gym 2 times this next week and you do get there and you do celebrate it. Or when someone talks a little trash about you, you brush it off and realize they are the ones who are battling issues and not you. Or when you look back at how great of a single parent you have been the last 2 years to your children. Or the fact that you have donated your time once a month for a year now. Or when you decide to always save 10% of your paycheck for the next 6 months to pay off a debt and you do. That’s what builds confidence quickly. Small victories and looking for the positive in everything that is tough. Your meaning you do or don’t put to these situations are what build you back up. It takes practice and repetition and for you to be very intentional with it but it works.
So, the next time something bad happens or you don’t do something you said you would and you want to beat yourself up call a timeout and change the story. Explain to yourself that it’s a lesson that helps you grow and be a better you moving forward. Be thankful for it. Allow it to grow your confidence versus stealing it. Along with this, keep setting and hitting little goals on a daily basis even if it’s as simple eating the right food or not hitting your snooze button. They are wins and they will build your confidence. It’s time to grow that “confidence number” and feel the power that goes along with it.